This is the first episode (that’s right, episode) of this little experiment, so I think it would be appropriate to lay out a vision. After all, we must have a purpose, a goal, something measureable by which to track our success. (We won’t worry about failing because failure is for people who are unable to redefine success).
Well, they don’t give me enough time on this to come up with a good vision statement, so we are going to have to settle for an attainable, but challenging, goal.
Here it is: I will turn this thing in on time each week, if I can. There, I should be able to keep that in sight at all times.
Your goal, yes you need to have one too if this is going to be fair, is to read it each week. That’s not so hard is it?
Now we can all feel good about accomplishing something every week. Moreover, if you don’t read it, you may miss important and exciting information, like if you email me I will send you a free Bugatti Veyron. That is not actually true, but it could have been, so keep that in mind as you plan your weekly reading schedule.
Come back next week to hear about current events, child rearing, balloon-riding skydivers, ridiculous warning labels, potty-training mishaps, bad inventions, good music, Nim Chimpsky...
What? I only have a few words left? But you said I could say whatever I wanted in here. How can I give something useful to everyone if I don’t have the space I need? Right, well, you might have told me that earlier, before I wasted all that time with useless banter…
Anyway, we will discuss all sorts of timely and relevant topics. However, the most important thing we will do is m
[My apologies for having to cut this week’s column short, but we must stick to the rules about word count in this world of limited resources. – The Editor]